REVIEW: Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom

Dinosaurs for him and Chris Pratt for her, seems like a pretty good formula for your classic summer blockbuster, how bad can it really be?

Before I sink my teeth into Spielberg’s latest dino-romp, I must admit that prior to entering the theater I had been exposed to a handful of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom reviews, most of them fairly scathing and even borderline mean. At the very least, I felt the harsh reviews to be severely over-analyzing a film that from the first trailer made no claim to be anything pivotal in cinema history the way the first, and agreeably the best, Jurassic Park was in 1993. 

Crichton is dead for God’s sake. There is no more divinely inspired dino gospel being written. So to compare a posthumous Jurassic Park film to the original work of the creator is audacious and misguided to begin with. It seems like the product of a critic’s personal ego stroking, having no choice but to criticize movies in a summer full of duds. He or she is chomping at the bit to analyze the next Schindler’s List but all they’re getting is The Rock jumping in and out of a skyscraper. I don’t blame them for that. Movies are mostly terrible. 

Take my very low regard for modern film making into account as you continue my review of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.

 I say that we are all geeks about something, and that’s true, I just don’t personally geek-out at the idea of spending $30 every Friday of the year to be disappointed by formulaic and predicable films that serve only as fiscal damage control bailing out a Hollywood that has run out of ideas. That’s what JW:FK is, a continuation of a franchise that has run out of ideas.

There are no spoilers in my review partly because it’s just rude, but mostly because this movie has its own spoilers baked into the plot minutes before each plot point’s pay off. You know what is going to happen before it happens. Your first guess is correct. Whatever you’re thinking is around that plot corner is in fact, around that corner.

And some of the dialogue is just atrociously corny, and not in a cute way that only Chris Pratt could pull off. He does have a corny charm. That’s what he’s known for. It’s other characters’ dialogue that will have your eyes rolling here and there, including not-so-subtle political commentary.

So if you are critiquing  or watching JW:FK the way you would Citizen Kane, it gets a massive F-. It truly is classically terrible. But here’s the thing, that’s me reviewing it as if it was supposed to be something poignant, which it is not, and never advertised itself to be.

Since inception, JW:FK was marketed as a fun time at the movies to see dinosaurs going nuts, and it does that very well. It is a very fun movie if you just loosen the tie no one was asking you to wear in the first place. 

In other words, don’t show up to the beer pong table to critique the Natty Light. 

Take the ball out, chug, and have a blast. That’s a modern Jurassic World movie. Just shut up and have fun watching a T-Rex eat a bad guy. Stop looking for revolutionary film making or perception altering commentary on society. Jurassic Park covered that in spades back in 93. It WAS a masterpiece, which amazingly still holds up today, including the special FX. God bless animatronics and practical effects. The first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is still perfect, despite lacking modern CGI. The turtles looked the best back then, but I digress…

So, if you want to watch a groundbreaking Jurassic Park movie, watch the first Jurassic Park. If you can abandon your expectations and just have fun watching dinosaurs wreaking havoc on flesh and property while surrounded by explosions, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is TONS of fun.

Geek Grade: B-

Stick-Up-The-Butt Grade: F-

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