The Burden of Cognitive Privilege

I just found out something truly terrible about me; I have cognitive  privilege.  I was born a little smarter than the rest of you.

I deeply apologize.

I  am sorry your genes did not align to make you as genius-y as me.  I'd  go back and try to dumb myself down, but science hasn't advanced that  far yet.  And, quite frankly, I'm not interested enough to go into the  lab and figure out that problem.  Perhaps somebody with unlimited  resources and his head already halfway up his ass like Mark Zuckerberg  will do so.

What is cognitive privilege, you  may ask?  Because even I was unaware that this was a thing until some  really smart people pointed it out.

Dan  Williams, a student at the University of Iowa, and the new prophet of  cognitive privilege, wrote in a column in a student newspaper last week:

There  are many kinds of privilege besides white privilege: cognitive  privilege, for example. We now know that intelligence is not something  we have significant control over but is something we are born with. We  are living in a society in which success is increasingly linked to one's  intelligence. This is not to say that intelligence is the only factor  that is important. All that is implied is that below a certain threshold  of intelligence, there are fewer and fewer opportunities. These  opportunities are being shifted upward to jobs that require heavier  cognitive lifting or else are being replaced by robots. Thus, the  accident of having been born smart enough to be able to be successful is  a great benefit that you did absolutely nothing to earn. Consequently,  you have nothing to be proud of for being smart.

See?  Not only am I privileged because I was in the lucky White  sperm club, I am now doubly privileged because I am smart.  And I like  to read.  And I like to use my smarts to make a living.

I was born with a natural predilection to reading and study.  It's in my nature.  Like trans people, I was born that way.

But now, I am supposed to feel guilty for being smart, and working to improve my smart-i-tude.

Intelligence  is a lot like athletic skill--you can have all the talent in the world,  but if you don't develop it, it won't take you very far.  Conversely,  you can have some talent and combine that with a work ethic to exercise  and grow that talent, and you can make a comfortable living.

But not to these faux privilege folks.  Nope, because you're smarter than everyone else, you should be put in the corner.

This is nothing more than "Idiocracy" come to life.  

"As  the 21st century began, human evolution was at a turning point. Natural  selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest, the  fastest, reproduced in greater numbers than the rest, a process which  had once favored the noblest traits of man, now began to favor different  traits. Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was  more civilized and more intelligent. But as time went on, things seemed  to be heading in the opposite direction. A dumbing down. How did this  happen? Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. With no  natural predators to thin the herd, it began to simply reward those who  reproduced the most, and left the intelligent to become an endangered  species."

In the world of the Privilege Hall Monitors, the intelligent among us should become an endangered species.  

If  we give into the notion of Cognitive Privilege, what do we really do?   We just give life to the old phrase "there is no fool like an educated  fool."

Perhaps we will all be gathered together  to roam free in vast libraries where tourists will take pictures of the  Intelligent in a Natural Habitat.

 Perhaps  there will be special events where people will pay to watch the  Cognitively Privileged mocked and beaten and forced to fight hungry,  wild beasts.  Actually, that sounds a lot like my middle school years,  so maybe not.

Perhaps the Cognitively  Privileged will just leave.  And let the rest of you poor dumb bastiges  put Brawndo on your plants because plants crave electrolytes.

And Brawndo's got electrolytes.

The Pursuit of Happiness

The Pursuit of Happiness

Ken Webster Jr is a talk radio personality and producer from Houston, TX. He started his career in Chicago on the Mancow show and has since worked at dozens of radio stations all over the country. He’s currently the host of Pursuit of Happiness... Read more


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