I just had to throw in my own 2-cents on the new Star Wars character. While I'm not personally one of the people on the Internet who's freaking out over the "Porg", it's hard to ignore the commercial appeal of this thing.
Oh, you haven't heard about the Porg? It's a furry, screaming, computer-generated animated sidekick that will serve as a movie mascot for Star Wars: The Last Jedi. The Porg is gonna be huge.
Sorry, ewoks, your time is over. Make room for the Porg.
You know how sometimes when a TV sitcom has been on the air for several years the producers will add a cute child actor to the show to breathe new life into the program? That's sort of like the role the Porg is about to play in the new Star Wars movie. Except the Porg is not a child actor, it's a CGI animation, so the Star Wars creators won't have to deal with pushy stage-moms and child actor royalty percentages. All the profits from Porg related merchandise will go directly to Disney. In fact, the "Porg" is going to make money fall from the sky for the Star Wars franchise. Children will use their parent's money to purchase Porg stuffed-toys, action figures, pajamas, lunch boxes, alarm clocks, iPhone cases, Halloween costumes, bumper stickers, athletic apparel, sleeping bags, fruit snacks, video games and tooth paste. I could have made that list a lot longer if I wanted to, but you get the idea.
During the next Presidential election, when moderates and independents are torn between Donald Trump and whoever the Democrats have to offer, "Porg 2020" tee-shirts will sell in high volume on Amazon.com. I guarantee it.
Porg, Porg, Porg. Very soon when you leave your home and venture out into the world, the Porg will be everywhere you look, because once something infects pop-culture on this scale, it's going to be hard to avoid. Expect to see the Porg's image when you purchase fast food or gas. You're gonna notice the Porg's likeliness at the airport while boarding a plane or stopping at a tourist trap in rural Iowa so you can witness the world's biggest ball of twine. There will be the Porg.
While sitting in the waiting room of your dentist office so you can get a root canal, nervously you'll fidget around anticipating the painful procedure that’s about to take place, when suddenly you'll look up and see the Porg, nestled in the arms of a nearby child in collectable plushy form.
But don't kid yourselves. The Porg will play no pivitol role in the movie's plot line. The Porg won't save the day at the end of the film or use The Force to stop the evil Kylo Ren. It was probably only added to the movie as an afterthought to help sell merchandise.
And America is gonna love it.
We are now living in the era of the Porg. You've been warned.
Since I still have your attention, what's the most annoying movie mascot of all time? I'm gonna go with Jar Jar Binks. I hated that ass-hat.