President Trump and Kim Jong Un just sat down for a few hours and (hopefully) figured out a structure to denuclearize the Korean Peninsula, which would essentially end the nearly 70-year long war, and maybe get Lil’ Kim a McDonald’s franchise.
To ready himself for the summit, Kim’s apparently been spending days studying the history of American diplomacy and spycraft; and he’s taking extreme precautions in order to prevent the US from gaining any kind of advantage.
He's brought a portable toilet to "deny determined sewer divers insights into to the supreme leader's stools."
Yep. Ain't nobody gonna be going through Kim's doodies to see what's up with the Supreme Leader's butt.
On a serious note, stool sampling is a time-honored tradition among the world's intelligence services. Soviet analysts substituted for their lack of spy gadgets by collecting and evaluating stool samples from world leaders, including Mao Zedong. The story really went viral after the BBC picked up the tidbit about how the KGB installed special toilets that directed Mao’s precious bodily fluids into secret boxes for analysis. “For 10 days Mao was plied with food and drink and his waste products whisked off for analysis”
Based on the results of the tests, Stalin declined making a deal with Mao. Probably because he realized that Mao would outlive him.
There's also a story about how the French Surete got samples from Leonid Brezhnev in the 1970s. The French spies reserved the suite below where Brezhnev was staying, dismantled the plumbing, and redirected it into special bins for collection.
That's one way Western countries found out how sick Brezhnev really was.
So, Lil Kim is just practicing some precaution. Because you know he wants a McDonald's franchise, and he doesn't want America to know about his Big Mac addiction.
Photos provided by Getty Images