Remember Russia-gate? It turns out the nonexistent "Trump tape" is actually the "Hunter Tape."
Warning... graphic content ahead. Trust us. This stuff gets pretty racy. There's a video at the bottom of the transcript.
According to the Daily Mail, the president's crackhead son told a hooker that Russian drug dealers stole a different laptop of his from a Las Vegas hotel room, and that "they have videos of me doing crazy fucking sex fucking, you know!"
According to the report, Hunter 'appeared to be' dismayed that the thieves could have sold his sex tapes to porn or news companies - meaning he'd be unable to cash in on them himself.
After filming himself having sex with the woman using his laptop in January 2019, Hunter left the camera rolling as he recounted a Vegas bender in which he spent '18 days going round from penthouse suite to penthouse suite,' sometimes costing $10,000 a night.
'I spent f***ing crazy amounts of money,' Hunter said. 'I was with these guys. The one guy was, not like you anyway… each night he'd be like 'there's going to be so many people here, crazy f***ing party' and each night it's nobody.'
Hunter's claims raise the possibility that he was targeted as a vulnerable conduit to Joe Biden as part of a foreign intelligence operation.
...
Hunter said it was after that debauched night he realized his computer was missing.
'I think he's the one that stole my computer. I think the three of them, the three guys that were like a little group. The dealer and his two guys, I took them everywhere. F***ing everywhere, crazy out of your mind sh**.' -Daily Mail
Hunter describes almost overdosing, according to the transcript:
'And so that's when I went into the pool. Into the tub. In the hot tub, above, in Palms that hangs over the side [Inaudible] more than I usually do, way more than that [inaudible]
'And I went out to the hot tub by myself, which hangs over the edge of the fu**ing top floor, with glass, it's ridiculous.
'And so I'm sitting there and that's the last I remember. And I don't ever pass out, ever.
'I wake up and the only people that are there are Miguel, the guy frantically running round gathering things up, ok – and Miguel, and Pierce, this guy, his friend.
'So anyway, and they had kicked everybody out. And they had cleaned up the entire place, everything ok? And they were getting ready to leave, and I woke up. And there was this Russian 35-year-old, really nice, pure brunette.
'[Inaudible] I don't know how long. She refused to leave until they – she refused to leave and they wouldn't call an ambulance. And they didn't know whether I was dead or not, at first.
Hooker: ' They couldn't just come over and check [inaudible]'
Hunter: 'They checked to see if I was breathing. When I finally showed signs of breath, at first I wasn't breathing, I was in the fu**ing pool face down, they don't know how long.
'And she told me that they don't, they were like 'we thought we'd get everybody out, because you know we didn't want, if we had to call, we didn't want everybody…' And she went no. They demanded that [inaudible]
'Two months before… [inaudible]
Hooker: 'Continue with the story please.'
Hunter: 'Anyway my computer, I had taken tons of like, just left like that cam on. And he would always put in a passcode and all that, you know what I mean? It was fu**ing crazy sh*t. And somebody stole it during that period of time. He did all this kind of like pretend search and sh*t.
'The last thing he sent me was $2,000 worth of stuff in an Uber and he sent me a [inaudible] with the Uber, and I had to send the money to a cash app or something....just waiting
Hooker: '...In Las Vegas [inaudible]'
Hunter: 'I think he's the one that stole my computer. I think the three of them, the three guys that were like a little, like group. The dealer and his two guys, I took them everywhere. Fu**ing everywhere, crazy out of your mind sh*t.
'The Russian [inaudible] she'd walk out with a fu**ing bathing suit in her hand.
'They have videos of me doing this. They have videos of me doing crazy fu**ing sex fu**ing, you know.
Hooker: 'How long ago did this happen?'
Hunter: 'Summer.'
Hooker: 'So it would have been out already if they-'
Hunter: 'No no no, because my dad [inaudible] running for president. He is, he is, he is. I talk about it all the time. If they do, he also knows I make like a gazillion dollars.'
Hooker: 'They'd try to blackmail you?'
Hunter: 'Yeah in some way yeah.'
We're sure the media will give this actual national security threat the coverage it deserves.
Photo: Getty Images North America
MILWAUKEE, WI - AUGUST 20: In this screenshot from the DNCC’s livestream of the 2020 Democratic National Convention, Hunter Biden, son of Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, addresses the virtual convention on August 20, 2020. The convention, which was once expected to draw 50,000 people to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, is now taking place virtually due to the coronavirus pandemic. (Photo by DNCC via Getty Images) (Photo by Handout/DNCC via Getty Images)