In California drinking straws are a controlled substance. Deemed too dangerous for mother earth, their distribution must be highly regulated and discouraged.
But what if you need a syringe so you can shoot up some heroin or meth?
Oh, no problem! The government has got you covered!
In sunny Santa Cruz California local residents are circulating a petition to stop the expansion of needle exchanges in the region.
Gosh, you mean you don't want used syringes lining the streets of your community where your kids ride bikes and walk to school?
Santa Cruz native and registered nurse Melissa Freebairn, a professional healthcare worker with a good understanding of how diseases are spread, says she's signing the petition because dirty syringes on beaches and in waterways are a serious cause for the concern.
But the Santa Cruz County government doesn't agree - they handed out 61,906 needles.... not last year... not last decade... but last month.
WHAT?! They handed out over 60,000 syringes in a single month!? Yes. And now those dirty syringes are laying all over the place because people who inject drugs into their arms don't normally take into consideration the importance of using recycling bins.
Not only did Santa Cruz pass out over 60,000 syringes last month, they collected over 90,000. That means there are a countless number of used needles just laying around out there in Santa Cruz County. Nasty!
In case you're wondering, a report from 2016 estimated the county was spending $10,000 annually on syringes. The number has gone up since then.
So what will it take to convince Democrats in California that this is a serious problem? If dirty syringes lining the streets and beaches isn't enough to stop the program, what is? Maybe if Santa Cruz lawmakers came across a study proving the dirty syringes are bad for sea turtles, they might stop handing them out?
Sorry, little kids playing the street, you're not as important as marine life, according to California Democrats.
But the important thing to remember is: no drinking straws. Phew! I feel safer already.